Monday, January 23, 2012

A sign from God or my subconscious?

As you can probably tell from previous posts, I have potential baby #3 (PB#3) on the brain,  A LOT. 

A few months ago, I was dreaming frequently about being pregnant again.  It's been a while though, since I've had one of them.  I can assure you, it's not for lack of the subject being on my mind.  It's also been a while since I prayed and asked God for a sign indicating whether or not He thought we should have another child. 

Last night, while praying, I asked for a sign regarding PB#3.  I dreamt last night that I was pregnant again.  I was very far along and my due date was rapidly approaching.  In the dream, I wanted to try for a VBAC, so I was trying everything to start labor.  I didn't know the sex of the baby either.  I woke up before the baby was born. 

I don't know that I would call myself an overly "religious" person.  I would say that I am faithful.  We haven't been to church regularly in some time.  Most of it, I blame on the kids.  At any rate, even though we aren't in attendance on Sunday, where our gratitude belongs for the blessed life we have, is not lost on me. I know who's responsible, and I try to thank Him as often as I can.  I also believe that He has a plan for our life.  I *think* it involves another child, but I'd like to be a little more sure.  This is how I get to where I am now.  From what I can remember, every time I've prayed for a sign from Him, I've dreamt that night of being pregnant.  There are many, many, many other nights, where I have gone to bed with PB#3 on the brain, that did not result in a pregnancy dream.

I suppose there is no way to really answer this question.  Or, more accurately, the answer lies with me.  I guess I just wonder, is this my sign?  Or, is this my subconscious taking what's on my mind and filtering it to my dreams?  Does it really matter?  Probably not.  Nothing in faith can really be proven, nor should I want it to.  That's kind of counter-productive. 

I asked for a sign.  I received something resembling that.  Perhaps my sign is to let go a little bit and accept what will come our way.  I can't know for sure what the plan is for us, until it plays itself out. 

I think what I can take from this is to be faithful that we will not be given more than we can handle.  If it's done with love, in good faith, can it really be wrong?


Alison

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