A sign from God or my subconscious?

As you can probably tell from previous posts, I have potential baby #3 (PB#3) on the brain,  A LOT. 

A few months ago, I was dreaming frequently about being pregnant again.  It's been a while though, since I've had one of them.  I can assure you, it's not for lack of the subject being on my mind.  It's also been a while since I prayed and asked God for a sign indicating whether or not He thought we should have another child. 

Last night, while praying, I asked for a sign regarding PB#3.  I dreamt last night that I was pregnant again.  I was very far along and my due date was rapidly approaching.  In the dream, I wanted to try for a VBAC, so I was trying everything to start labor.  I didn't know the sex of the baby either.  I woke up before the baby was born. 

I don't know that I would call myself an overly "religious" person.  I would say that I am faithful.  We haven't been to church regularly in some time.  Most of it, I blame on the kids.  At any rate, even though we aren't in attendance on Sunday, where our gratitude belongs for the blessed life we have, is not lost on me. I know who's responsible, and I try to thank Him as often as I can.  I also believe that He has a plan for our life.  I *think* it involves another child, but I'd like to be a little more sure.  This is how I get to where I am now.  From what I can remember, every time I've prayed for a sign from Him, I've dreamt that night of being pregnant.  There are many, many, many other nights, where I have gone to bed with PB#3 on the brain, that did not result in a pregnancy dream.

I suppose there is no way to really answer this question.  Or, more accurately, the answer lies with me.  I guess I just wonder, is this my sign?  Or, is this my subconscious taking what's on my mind and filtering it to my dreams?  Does it really matter?  Probably not.  Nothing in faith can really be proven, nor should I want it to.  That's kind of counter-productive. 

I asked for a sign.  I received something resembling that.  Perhaps my sign is to let go a little bit and accept what will come our way.  I can't know for sure what the plan is for us, until it plays itself out. 

I think what I can take from this is to be faithful that we will not be given more than we can handle.  If it's done with love, in good faith, can it really be wrong?


Alison

Far from perfect

There was an article posted on line today that I have fallen in love with.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

She talks about how people are always telling you to "Make sure you enjoy every moment with your children, because it goes so fast!!!"  True enough, it does.  In a perfect world, I would spend every second of every day watching my children and soaking in their beautiful faces and movements.  I would remember every funny thing they have ever said or done.  Unfortunately, I have other things that require attention throughout the day.  There is work, laundry, the house, my husband, the kids, meals, etc.  It's impossible to enjoy every single moment with my children. 

What I love about the article is that she points out that just because you can't do that, doesn't mean you are doing something wrong or that you aren't enjoying these moments.  She discusses 2 types of time.  Chronos is the time you are in right now, the hour to hour, minute by minute.  Then there is Kairos.  That's the transcendental "time."  Those moments when the whole world seems to stand still and you really do see a sweet moment with your children that you etch into your brain.  I know I have these moments.  I know I have them daily.  I think that's what matters.

I also love her point about complaining about your children.  She says,

"Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest."

This really hits home for me right now.  Considering my last post, you might be able to see why.  Sometimes I think that how can I think of having another one when I often feel like I fail at having the 2 I have.  In all honesty, I don't think we are failing at all with our boys.  I think I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they both know how VERY much they are loved.  I think we do a good job of expressing that both verbally and non-verbally.  I think they are very well taken care of.  I think we could offer that to another child. 

Is it always easy? HELL NO.  Does it always feel worth it?  Yes and No. Maybe not in the moment, but I have yet to be through anything with these children that would cause me to believe becoming a parent was a mistake.

At least once a day I find myself silently thanking God for the incredible gift we've been given.  I'm so incredibly grateful for my family.  I'm grateful to be married to my best friend.  I'm beyond grateful for the gift that God has given us in these children.  I feel that if He has another one He'd like for us to take care of for Him, who am I to say no?

I'm always fearful that I'm not "present" enough with my kids.  I'm sure a lot that stems from being a working mom who happens to feel guilty about it.  I guess it's nice to know that other parents are busy too.  Hopefully this can also serve as a good reminder to stop and take it all in more often, but to also cut myself some slack when I can't.


Alison

Decisions, Decisions....Decisions???

First, I have changed the name of the blog.  It will have cooking posts, but not solely. 

Recently, some decisions have been made.  Well, I guess it would be safer to say that some potential decisions have been made.  The question that plays in my head, almost constantly, is if we should have a 3rd baby.  I would like to take the time to say how grateful I am that it's even an option for us. My heart screams YES!!!!  My  head goes to all the reasons why it might be a bad idea. 

Of course, there is the money.  Not just the money right now, but money in the future.  Will we be able to save for all of them to help them with college?  Will we be able to go on vacations and do fun things?  I think, ultimately, the answer is yes.  I'm sure it won't be easy, and sacrifices will have to be made.  I suppose everyone worries about money when it comes to children.  I also believe, for the most part, things will work themselves out. It would also make the most sense, maybe, to wait until Vincent is in Kindergarten to have another baby.  This way, we aren't paying for 3 kids in daycare.  Although, by waiting, we are only prolonging how long we pay for daycare in general.

I also have other logistical worries.  For instance, our vehicles.  I don't know that we can fit 3 car seats in the 2 cars we have.  I ultimately would like to get a van soon.  That should alleviate at least one vehicle problem.  We also only have a 3 bedroom home.  This isn't that big of a deal because Vincent & Owen can share a room for a while. 

My other major concern is my health.  With Owen, I was a nervous wreck that something would happen to me during the c-section and I would be leaving 2 babies without a mother.  I know that those thoughts will consume me again. Pregnancy is nerve wracking all on it's own. I happen to be a very anxious person, so it's multiplied by 1000.  I'm scared to have a 3rd c-section, and not very optimistic that a v-bac would work out.  Although, I would fully intend on trying this time. I am also worried, as usual, that something would be wrong with the baby.  Should we just be happy and content with the 2 beautiful, healthy little boys we have?

I also worry about the boys.  For some reason, I feel bad for making Owen the middle child.  Does that even make any sense?  I'm not sure.  It's like he wouldn't be "special" some how, which, of course, is ridiculous. I feel guilty enough for having to work and missing as much time with them as I do.  Now, if we add another child, I am stretching myself over 3 people (4 if you count Dave) with the little time I have left every day. Does that seem fair to the boys?  Will having another sibling to bond with make up for that?  Will it even matter if I'm careful to remember that it's QUALITY not quantity that's important?

Back to my heart.  In my heart, I want another child.  In my heart, I feel that someone is missing from our family.  I love the idea of the boys having another sibling.  I love my brother so much and always wished there was more of us.  I think of how difficult it will be to raise 3 kids, but how rewarding also.  I look at our boys and think they are so incredible, I can't help but wonder who else might be out there waiting for us.  I pray for signs to help me know what the right decision is.  I guess if I'm going to leave it up to God, that's just what I should do.  If he doesn't mean for us to expand our family, then I won't get pregnant, right?  I keep thinking this is a decision that Dave and I are making and worry that we will make the wrong one.  However, if we put our faith in Him, and he chooses that path for us, then surely it will be ok. 

Decision, decisions, decisions.  The good news is, Dave is on board.  Now, I just have to convince myself.

Alison

Homemade Hot Pockets

My love for cooking does not, unfortunately, always translate into healthy meals for my children.  As I mentioned previously, we are often strapped for time.  Also known as, "mom didn't pull anything out to thaw for dinner." So, I am always trying to think of things I can make for the kids that are quick, easy and somewhat nutritious. They eat a lot of chicken nuggets, PB&J, hot dogs, macaroni, etc.

It took me about 30 mins to make these on a Saturday afternoon.  The kids both devoured them and I froze the others for reheating later.

For this batch, I made turkey pizza hot pockets and turkey with broccoli and cheese.  You could do any combo of meat/veggies/sauce/cheese that you want.

Ingredients

1 TBL olive oil

2 cloves of garlic

1lb of ground turkey

3 rolls of crescent roll dough

For pizza hot pockets:

1 1/2 cups of spaghetti sauce

1 cup of shredded mozzarella cheese

First, I browned the turkey meat w/ a little olive oil and chopped up garlic cloves.

I laid out the triangles from the crescent dough.  I mixed some ground turkey in with the spaghetti sauce and put about 2 large TBL of the mixture on the dough.  I then sprinkled it with shredded mozzarella.  I took another triangle and covered it and sealed it around the edges. 

For broccoli cheese hot pockets:

1 box of frozen broccoli w/ cheese sauce

1 cup of shredded colby jack cheese

Same steps as the pizza pockets. 

I put the pockets on a greased baking sheet and baked them according to the directions on the crescent roll can.

I let them cool and then wrapped them in plastic wrap, then tin foil, then put them in a ziploc bag to go in the freezer. 

I had to play with the wrapping for a while until I figured out the best way to keep everything inside.  I found that trying to pull up the sides on the bottom crescent to contain everything, and then using the top one to make sure it was all covered worked best!

Enjoy!

Alison